Can’t I just date this guy, I love him and he loves me too?
For how long should I wait because I start a relationship?
Help me, I am getting close to 30 and I am still single?
We have started the relationship now, so what should we be doing?
What’s the difference between courtship and relationship?
Should a Christian say they are “dating” or rather say they are courting?
My partner has changed he no longer loves me again or show me affection since I said yes?
After “God said” we should start this relationship my partner does not communicate with me or treat me well.
WAITING AND DATING (BASIC THINGS TO DO IN COURTSHIP)
Let’s take a visit back to the beginning where we started the teaching on QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK
When God formed Adam, the first thing He gave him was His presence which was in the garden of Eden.
Then the Lord gave him a work inside the garden and by this Adam had fellowship with God.
Then as he grew in the presence of God, God saw a need to give Adam an “help meet” not a “soul mate”.
Then we saw that God formed animals even when He said He will make an help meet for Adam.
God knows what He was doing… Now let me bring out WAITING here…
If Adam had not learn to wait like I use to say he will have grabbed one of the animals as his help meet because God said I will make an help meet for him.
He could probably think God meant those animals which the Lord formed. But notice God didn’t say I will “Form” an help meet for Adam but rather that I will “make” an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will MAKE him an help meet for him.
But what God did was He “formed”
Genesis 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God FORMED every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
When you don’t understand what God is doing in a particular time you may think you understand God whereas you miss God even though He told you what He want to do.
Therefore understanding the communication of God is important in interpreting what God meant when He says a word. I will say God is never careless with His word as we may think but God knows what He says and meant whatever He says.
So at every particular seasons of our lives we must understand when to wait and how to name each seasons of our lives as the Lord make or bring those seasons to us.
So Adam had to learn WAITING by coming to rest. Joyce Meyer once said in her book that “patience is not waiting but what you do while you’re waiting”
We saw the Lord put Adam to sleep this was because Adam was working and some of you may think maybe Adam was not searching for the “help meet” he was!
This is because when God finally brought his wife to him the word he said made it clear that he was actually searching or looking for his wife to be.
Let me show you how to
Genesis 2:23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.
“This one is bone from my bone,
and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
because she was taken from ‘man.’”
This tells Adam was waiting and looking for his partner. But during that time, God had to put him to sleep because he was working and then was looking for his partner.
God can not be awake and then you’re working. You need to rest that’s why scriptures says “He never sleeps nor slumber” this means for God to put us to know rest He need to make us sleep so we can wait. For this is God’s wisdom of dealing with our worry on who to marry.
So God made him to sleep then He went ahead to “make” the “help meet” as promised, which in Hebrew means “builded” which is why you see the word “build” being associated to a woman like “a wise woman builds her house”
When God was through He brought Eve to Adam and break the time and distance that was apart them for a short while to bring about their “dating” into marriage and this bring me into “DATING”
So God brought about this great union but God never told Adam this is his wife but Adam knew “supernaturally” that Eve was his wife.
That’s why I say Adam was a supernatural man! He was asleep when God made Eve but when he woke up, he summarized all that God did in a sentence
Genesis 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, BECAUSE SHE WAS TAKEN OUT OF MAN.
What he said what he didn’t see it, God was practically doing that work when he was asleep. Then he said what God did supernaturally, how will such not know that that was his wife when he could tell how God did it?!
So God brought a dating together in their midst… This we see as God brought Eve to Adam at an estate where Eve was able to measure up in a sense to the work God has started in Adam’s life.
God had to “build” Eve to become a woman who that was fit to come into the life of Adam. The woman has to be fit enough to be suitable for the man that Adam has become in God.
Dating many a times some believers don’t agree with it but is not a wrong word. It is also the same as courting. This words means a period in your relationship whereby you know one another more intimately than just when you guys were friends.
Dating is when you both have come to understand God and seen alignment in your purpose or what you both feel or sense you need to do in life.
This is the period in your relationship where you talk about how your future will be and how you want your marriage to look like.
You talk about the number of children you like to have and also more intimately how to spend your forever together and also what my friend Emmanuel Salt “love at last sight”
Relationship is a beautiful thing, as it is the door into marriage and that period spent in a relationship is called courtship or dating .
One thing is important in your relationship, your courtship period is a reflection of what your marriage will be like and that’s why the need to learn how to use it wisely.
BASIC THINGS TO DO IN YOUR COURTSHIP
1. Use your courtship period to “know” one another:
Many times people feel they understand this “knowing” and some even neglect this part and feel they are set for marriage.
Knowing here is to know the area of strength of one another and how to lean or bank on one another’s strength as this will help you both in your marriage.
2. Use your courtship period to “connect” with your partner:
You must learn to connect with your partner so much that when people come to ask you for an idea both of you can say almost the same thing.
This connection here must have taken place by the measure of your quality time together in the place of prayers and fellowship. You see, one of the mistakes people make in a relationship is to know a thing and never take time to teach their partner. It’s wrong! This is what build your connectivity.
I know you’re saying in your heart now “teach us how to connect with our partners”. I will! That’s why I am here. You see, connecting with your partner has to do with measuring up and teaching yourselves or hearing the same thing.
To connect with your partner is the ability to be able to pick your partner accurately so much that you’re knitted together in the spirit.
I have experienced this with my partner almost many times with her, I could pick her even when we’re far away from one another. This is has been by the level of fellowship we had and also our quality time together.
3. Use your courtship period to talk about your finance:
How do we see money, should it be “my” money or “your money” or “our” money. But I’ll advise you both see it as our money as you both are becoming a team in your marriage.
How are we spending our money? How do we increase our income? How do we save for our family. I’ve learn to save together with my partner and it’s such a relief. I know some don’t trust themselves when it comes to money area. Trust is key!
You need to agree your money before spending it. Decide on what works for you maybe it is a joint account or a separate account or both. Both here means, we will both have our accounts but still keep a joint account for the family.
4. Use your courtship period to talk about the church you will be attending when you’re married:
We must be realistic. Our church doctrine differs and I believe it should not separate or end a relationship. Even though I have seen it end some on the ground of faith and scarf and trouser with make up issue.
But my question with such folks is “didn’t you see her before proposing to her, why impose a doctrine on her now that she has given you a YES?”
I have seen this affect many relationships and almost getting to the stage of break up. Many marriages have suffered the lost of their homes because of doctrines.
You need to talk about the churches you will be attending when you guys get married. Some will say “yes, she must attend my church when we are married” but it may not be so. Both parties must be humble. Meekness must rule or govern your relationship or marriage without which it may lead to a fall.
In settling this, you must use the wisdom of agreeing to either your partner’s church or your own church and if you didn’t agree you can settle for a a neutral church. But endure it is settled before marriage.
Some brothers have taking a rest after the sister have said YES and have not made effort to spice up their relationships or to make it better. We must understand that as much as we’re led of God into a relationship, we need the same leading to keep responding to God and to yield to Him!
We must understand that even though man fell in the beginning, despite all that Adam never divorced his wife even though we may say or as scriptures said that the man was not deceived but the woman, and then we say she caused the fall.
Yet Adam never used that against her but rather they stayed together for years and spend the rest of their lives together. What I am saying is no matter the offence of your wife or your husband learn to stay together! Keep building your home in God!
The Love Transformers